um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
handjob tips. give me some.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
