Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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