wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
