I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
