matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
