yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
