it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
