What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
