Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
