Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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