jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
