That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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