1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
bring money and cleavage
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
