Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
