Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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