Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
