How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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