Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
