I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
