There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
