Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
