6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
