i think i have herpe
just one?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
