i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
