Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He is an equal opportunity slut.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
