oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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