Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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