It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hold me and let me compliment your butt