today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.