I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.