How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.