And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
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I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ladies don't puke and tell