I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day