It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.