i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
they're staring at me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.