Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.