I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
