I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
