I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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