I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
