Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
