His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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