As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
