the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
