I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
