turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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