There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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