I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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