i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize
