And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
