You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
