I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
