wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
