Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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