The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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