I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
