Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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