I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
