Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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