i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
