can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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