Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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