I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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