Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
