: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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