I can tuck mytits in my pants
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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