Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
